the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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