There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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