he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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