you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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