you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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