Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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