I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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