This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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