2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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