I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
