I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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