Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were trust falling into bushes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
