he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
