"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
