I'd wear matching sweaters with you
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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