I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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