I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
