You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
