Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
