Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
