The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
