I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
