Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
