i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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