YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
