Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
