On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
