It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
