I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
