What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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