I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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