Life is so much better after having sex.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
