Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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