Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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