What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
