All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
