Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize