We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MIDGETS
????
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
