well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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