The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
