Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
