I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
