Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
