I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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