Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
