Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The ass gains better be worth it
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