Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
