Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
