We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize