So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
