Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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