i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
