I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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