she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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