My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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