he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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