there was a trapeze. enough said
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
