Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
