The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
