I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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