ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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