at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
