$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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