At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
