you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
