Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
