i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
