How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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