You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
