just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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